Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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