Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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