she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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