its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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