I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
