So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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