Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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