Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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