I think im going to throw up on grandma
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
