o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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