Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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