i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
