It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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