You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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