i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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