Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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