Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
