this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
