Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
