Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
