I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
