just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
