I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
