i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
