can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
