either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
