hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
