I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
