she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dignity is for republicans.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
