Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
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The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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