census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize