then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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