Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
When are your genitals available?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
