she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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