i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
bring money and cleavage
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
