so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
