My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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