he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
