Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
