remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
We need to rekindle our bromance
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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