One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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