Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
