So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
