Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
