i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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