dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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