I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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