so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
