Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
