the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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