you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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