You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
