six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
