Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
