we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Randomize
