There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
