Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
